Random Wikipedia Royal Rumble

Wait wut?

 

The near elimination had the crowd on their feet, but an alcohol-induced technical fault caused a puzzling delay.

That didn't stop the sneaky little Japanese wrestler running around the ring and sliding in behind Ellison and Hasso and looking to dump both of them over the ropes at the same time!

His plan didn't work, though, and he quickly looked to calm the situation down by shouting out みんな which I think translates to "fellas, fellas", but he copped a big double clothesline from the Anglo-German pairing who looked to get rid of the Uramoto.

The pair continued to team up against Uramoto and looked to dump him with a double suplex, but the little Japanese warrior managed to keep his balance and land on the apron - rolling back into the ring!

With Ellison and Hasso arguing over the failure to get rid of Uramoto who at this point was clinging to the bottom rope, the buzzer went again to schedule the arrival of the #5! Coming out to "Pomp and Circumstance" was entrant number five - Louis, Landgrave of Hesse-Phillipsthal! A German nobleman and general, he came down to the ring mounted on a fucking horse. He also had a gun - but he wasn't allowed to load it! This Rumble is turning hardcore!

Dean Ellison (3)
Harry Hasso (2)
Kentaro Uramoto (4)
Louis, Landgrave of Hesse-Phillipsthal (0)

 

"Landgrave" is a badass title

I also vote Uramoto out.

 

Had enough of the motorcyclist. He's been clinging on for too long. Louis has too good a mo to go.

Ellison

 

Das ist fünf!

 

Don't see what Das has to do with it

 

Oh fick dich fotze.

 

Hey, get back to the edge of your seat!

 

Dismounting from his horse, Louis, Landgrave of Hesse-Philippsthal certainly had the ring's attention as they cautiously backed into a corner. Uramoto was first to make a move as he charged towards Louis - only to cop a rifle butt to the chest that sent him flying! Ellison thought he would make a rope assisted splash attempt on the arriving German - only he too was collected in the sternum by the butt of Louis' rifle!

The big stand off ensured as the diminutive Hasso approached Louis with less aggression and looked to reason with his compatriot "auf Deutsch". After considering the director's proposal, Louis accepted a handshake - we have an alliance here in this Royal Rumble!

But wait - Uramoto wanted in as well! "Good golly gosh, old man! The Axis is reforming!" Farren, Jr. exclaimed from ringside. Heckscher seemed more concerned with the stock market.

Try as he might, though, it was Deutschland über alles as the two combined to dump Uramoto out of the ring with a clothesline!

Elimination 2: Kentaro Uramoto

Admiring their work, Hasso and Louis, Landgrave of Hesse-Philippsthal were not prepared for the attack from behind from Ellison who levelled both with a king hit! Unfortunately for the daring motor cycle driver, he was not able to overcome the numbers and was levelled in the face with a rifle butt!

With the clock counting down, would #6 add to Ellison's woes or come to the rescue? It's former Grenadian prime minister Ben Jones! Will his diplomatic ways be able to make a difference in this Rumble? But more importantly - WHOSE SIDE IS HE ON?!

Dean Ellison (3)
Harry Hasso (1)
Louis, Landgrave of Hesse-Philippsthal (2)
Ben Jones (0)

 

C'mon. It's time for Ellison to go. Give him the boot!

 

Heef's vendetta is troubling. Perhaps we should take it to arbitration?

 

Ellison's taken some brutal hits, needs to throw in the towel.

I'm concerned about Louis' rifle. If he keeps cracking skulls with it it could go off at any moment, perhaps killing the commentator.