All Aboard The Tour Plane By Chris Golding Seasonal Rugby has been described by many as the most "dramatic" tournament in the Cricsim World; rarely a few months will go past without some sort of controversy, and this one hasn't disappointed either. Seasonal Rugby Owner Ed Ames confirmed that the new Season 3 Referees for the next season hadn't been trained well enough; he'd shelled out his cash to the ninja academy and they just weren't sharp enough, so have had to be held onto for a bit longer. In the meantime, he's offered many passtimes whilst they learnt how to control the monsters of Seasonal Rugby with little more than their thumb, such as the Seasonal Rugby World Tour, a Cricsim Team Competition or we could wait until Season 4 for these new referees to be implemented. It seems the choice has been made that the very best and most active of Seasonal Rugby will be going on tour; the squads have been named with no massive surprises being thrown up, perhaps to some the exclusion of Eddie Morris from the Senior Tour Party was a bit of a suprise, but Ames was recalled saying "Let's face it, he's either been injured or beating someone in, not what I need just yet. Besides, we haven't in fact got anyone who can restrain him in the backroom staff." Ultimately the only other surprise to some was the inclusion of Eggman in the main touring party; he's been a beast this season at the Spartans, being labelled a Scrummaging Machine by many, including Spartans Owner Marcuss Deane. "Well, as his name suggests, he eats a lot of eggs. They're high in protein, and have allowed him to bulk up more than Gemmell, and legally as well. Apart from that all we've done here is buy him a chimp with anger issues, and separate it from its young. It gets very paternal, you see, and we put Eggy in the way. It's like a fight to the death...but without the death part. It's enabled him to become highly flexible, required for scrummaging, and also has taught him a few 'primal' tricks on how he can get the upper hand on his counterparts when he's on the field." At this stage it's necessary that we disclose that the chimps did not come to any actual harm during Eggman's training. Moving on. The struggle for a backrow place will be immense on the Tour. With Deane, Laing, Gemmell and Manera all fighting for a place, as well as the ability of McDougal and Verigotta, not to mention Denton, to play there as well, it'll be a fierce battle. Jake Luffman, when caught snorting some white stuff (for the 'last time' may we add) tipped us off that it's going to be down to whoever can trains the hardest on the tour when they arrive. "Eds is under the impression that if you work hard in practise you'll get the reward in games. They'll be doing some strict gym work, and of course will be pitted against each other, then training under fatigue. Apparently our tour training shirts have 'The more you sweat in practise, the less you bleed in battle' or some shit like that on, he's into the motivational stuff you see, think big to win big, blah blah blah...me, well I have my own motivator" and he promptly returned to his white lines. Since then he's started councilling on the issue; we can confirm he's going well and wish him the best of luck, although he'll tour regardless, Ames has said. Now, the backline. Delonge and Wilkinson refer to them as the "pansies" of the team, but they aren't small blokes in reality. Alex "Farnikolo" Farnsworth is a menacing figure, weighing in at around 18st, Golding is around 15 and a half and Blunder weighs in around 16st of solid meat. And that's just to name a few. Competition for places is intense; there are no less (and probably more than) than ten different centre combinations that could appear, although I'm not going to list them just yet. Blunder, Vago, Weaver, Golding, Graham, Farnsworth and Herd all have the ability to line up there; note that actually only Weaver and Vago ply their trade there as a primary position, whilst the rest are Utility players, although Golding is almost deemed a Centre after playing two seasons of club and rep rugby there. As halfbacks there are only Perry and Luffman on the tour; Ames has suggested that Golding could possibly line up there, although many have expressed a worry since he hasn't played there at any level regularly and it's expected that those two will pair each other in most matches. Ames has been quoted as saying that Luffman has been caught in his own shadow at the Spartans and that he is a "world class" player; many bookies, however, have odds on the fact that Ames is lending him a pair of his Adidas Preds, which are believed to have some sort of magic pixie dust in that makes whoever wear them nail each and every kick, something Luffman has had mishaps with in the past. Whatever the case, he is certainly an excellent player, and being partnered by Perry will surely bring out the best in him. The Back Three will be deadly; with Ben Herd, Alex Farnsworth, Bobby Blunder and Sam Graham all capable of playing there it'll be a set of backs that no team will want to kick to. The results of kicking to them could be the possibility of being run over by Farnikolo's huge 18st frame (which is powered by Maximuscle, we add as Farny asks us to give a tip off for one of his sponsors) or Blunder's chunky thighs, or maybe bamboozled by the skill of Herd and Graham. Herd is tipped to be the best finisher in the game by many, and Graham has certanily shone in a poor Cheetahs backline, which is no mean feat. He has excellent playmaking abilities which would allow him to bring either Farnsworth or Herd into play, or maybe even both. Nevertheless, I come to the end of my overview for the Tour; next time I may do an overview of the Emerging Tour Party, but who knows what the future beholds. Until then, goodbye.
Nah, it'd stopped before then. I only got free maximuscle when I was playing rugby league last year. Also, the shoulder is getting better. I can do a press up now.
It is all pretty good, would have been good if you had of put the squad at the bottom of the article like they would in real life when doing a tour squad overview.
